Valley of Waiting

God is so good, all the time!  All the time, God is good!   Amen.

Sam and I love our church!  It is growing all the time, he is leading worship just about every week now with me mostly singing too or running the media slideshow.  It just really touches my heart so deeply to see new people come and experience the Lord in a new way.  We have brand new Christians, those who are still working on their faith, and those who are strong in the Lord and are able to be there for others.  I love how as Christians we never "arrive," but are meant to continually learn more and more about Christ and what it means to live for Him and die to our flesh daily.

I really do love living in Fargo.  Yes, there are times of deep misery such as in the middle of our 6 months of winter when it's 20 below and I have to drive in a scary blizzard.  Or in the middle of summer when it's over 90 degrees and humid and the sky is filled with swarms of mosquitos.  But I love the lush grass and trees, and small-town feel even though it's a town of over 100,000 people (not including neighboring towns), the amazing PEOPLE I know and love who reside here, the northern accents, and all the memories it holds for both Sammy and me.

But gosh dang it, I miss my family!!!  We moved here over a year ago because God called us to be here.  What the duration of living here is, I do not know.  We may move, we may stay.  We are really seeking the Lord about what needs to be done and where God wants us to pastor and be active in ministry.  But I tell you what, I surely would love to be able to see my family a lot more often.  Especially when we start having kids....I will need my mom!  God knows our hearts' desires.  He knows what is best.  We have to pray, follow His peaceful leading, and trust that He knows better than we do.

While we are here in the valley of indecision and wait, I do praise God that at least my new position in my company is better than what I had!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.  Bless you guys (whoever you may be).

Honeymoon July 2011 (it was one of the only pics saved on this computer and i wanted to post a pic but don't feel like finding a recent one! ;)

I am so blessed

Hallelujah!

I am just so amazed by the Holy Spirit and the work He is doing in my life.

I am reading a book by Benny Hinn called "Good Morning, Holy Spirit," given to me by my preacher brother Joey Trieb, and it is amazing!  I am having more revelation about how the Holy Spirit IS GOD.  He's isn't beneath Jesus, who isn't beneath God the Father...which is something we have, I think, all grew up to believe, purposely or not.  Some of us grew up in churches that hardly recognized the Holy Spirit at all!  But He is the one who helps us pray, who guides us in all things, who deeply desires communion with us, who protects us and makes us feel loved.  He is hurt when we don't spend time with Him or recognize his power.  Life is better with the Spirit beside you at all times.  There's a lot more I will say about this when I am done reading it.

Spring is coming!!!  I can feel it in my bones!

Bless the Lord.  He is so good.  I feel like I just came out of one of the worst months ever....January.  I don't even know WHY it was so bad for me, it just felt like a desert I had to go through while holding onto God's hand the whole time to make sure I didn't crumble and fall.  But He was there, He helped me, and I made it to the other side with happiness and hope!  Hallelujah he brought me out!  And my amazing husband was of course very present and helpful in my times of need and made me feel better.

I will never stop praising the Lord, not when life is hard and I may get tempted to give up, not when life is wonderful and I may be tempted to forget about Him.  How can I ever neglect my Jesus?

God is so good.  He also gave us the only apartment that we really felt good about and at peace with.  And we were the only ones even looking at it!  It's the best apartment in the building!  We move in next month!!!  Seriously, it has an elevator and heated underground parking, just to name a few perks...oh, and it's so close to us, we can see it right now when we just take a glance out the window.

random, but pretty.  i felt like a picture needed to go here

For a while now, I've been feeling a little bored with my job and have been desiring to move up in the company to further my expertise and experiences.  I have been keeping my eye open for internal positions opening up, and applied for a COBRA Account Manager position a couple months ago.  I received word a couple days later from a very friendly, helpful coworker in HR that they had to fill the position quickly and didn't even have a chance to review my application.  But, he so thoughtfully set up a meeting with me and the supervisor of that department so I can learn more about the position and so he can meet me and keep me in consideration for future openings.

A little while later, I applied for a lateral move of a Claims Adjudicator position, and got it!  However, I was informed that my position won't be starting until October...10 months away!

I praised the Lord for the position He gave me and geared up for making the best of where I still was.

Later, the same HR guy came up to me again and give me the inside scoop that there is another CAM position opening up, and he will set up an interview for me!  I was so excited/nervous.  I felt that surely God is using this HR man twice now to make sure I get this position.  I was the first one interviewed...surely this job is mine!

A couple weeks later I received a request to meet with the same CAM supervisor.  I knew this would be the meeting where he either tells me I have the job or I don't.  Since the meeting was the next day, I went home and prayed.

I said, "God, you know me better than I know myself, and only You really know what I am capable of.  I will praise You if I get this position, but I will praise You if I don't, because I trust You and know You have what's best for me."

So I met with him and he told me I didn't get the job.  

Bummer, but I totally wasn't devastated and was looking forward to started afresh in Claims in October.  I still knew that God was in control.

But then, just about a week later, I get another meeting request with the same supervisor.  I was so nervous, what in the world could this be about?

Well, long story short, I got the job!!!!  He said that they needed one more person and wants me!!  I am sooo shocked, honored, scared, happy, excited..... whew!!

Now we can save up even more money for paying off loans, getting a future house, and having future kiddos!!!!  

I can't wait to keep learning more about the Holy Ghost in Benny Hinn's book, and also by diving more into the Scriptures!

I CANNOT WAIT to see my family for Easter!!!!!!  I get to see these people plus TWO MORE:  Shasha's boyfriend Mick; and Joey's girlfriend Valerie, who are pretty much engaged to be married :D

Hello, people!

Bismarck Time

Hey hey hey!  Today has been a very good day.  A fun day.  My Sammy and I traveled about 3 hours away to Bismarck, ND to interview at the North Dakota district council in the process of Sammy becoming a pastor!!  Today we drove, stopped by Jamestown to enjoy the Buffalo Museum and Pioneer Village, got to Bismarck and were pleasantly surprised with our neato hotel room, went to Cracker Barrel, Dairy Queen, and now we are relaxing. Tomorrow is the interview :)

We have a full kitchen!

Oh yeah, we stopped by Paris too.  Not as cool as the big buffalo of Jamestown ;)

Having fun together!  Two days off work, YES!

Blessed Hope

My Lord Jesus Christ is faithful and gracious to my own soul as well as to the souls of all who serve Him with the fullness of their hearts.  Reflecting upon my precious Savior gives me deep, inner peace and a complete happiness the world knows not of.  The world, lost in deep sin and real darkness, is truthfully not my true home.  My home and inheritance is in Heaven above.  After the horrible death of my beloved mother-in-law Lori, I have found my mind pondering Glory Land with perhaps a deeper longing than I have ever known.  As a child, I relished in the captivating reality that my whole life was ahead of me, and I regretfully considered it as loss if my earthly life were to be cut short.  However, as an adult in the current status of having experienced quite a bit of what life has to offer, I know its joys and its disappointments.  I know we can never put our hope in a world that is temporary and expect it to always be faithful to us.  But Jesus is the faithful One; my hope is secure in His second coming to take the righteous ones home.  Living on the earth in this present time in history is my calling.  But this life is of no importance if I do not continuously serve my God by following his decrees and loving all the people He created and placed in my life as I am able.  I choose to live my life in this earth with peace and contentment and simultaneously look forward to eternal life with the Father in Heaven, where I can see Lori again, I can see my Grandparents again, and I can meet cool people like the apostle Paul and Noah and Abraham.  Yes.  Forever my heart will worship and praise my the Savior of my soul.  I will dance on the streets made of gold before my Maker and I will sing aloud with a chorus of both angels and saints beautiful songs of thanksgiving and honor to the Lord of Lords.  Yes indeed.  Praise the Lord, o my soul.

Life Without Lori

It's sure been a tough month.

Every day the whole family would be with Lori whenever they could.  The kids would be there whenever we weren't working, Paul was constantly there, all who loved her tried to be in her hospital room with her to visit, pray, and say their goodbyes because it soon became evident that she might not win her battle with cancer.

She had been moved to palliative care where all the nurses were kind and caring, but did not have the mindset of seeing Lori get healed.  They had the mindset of seeing Lori die comfortably.

On Sunday, June 3rd she told us she's going home in two days.  It's one of the last things she said before she was too weak to speak again.  We thought she was wanting to go back to her house, little did we know she was speaking of a different home.

Tuesday, June 5th, Paul, Travis, Brittany, and I were at the hospital.  I walked from Lori's room to the family room for a moment, but soon heard Travis in the hallway frantically telling Jesse on the phone that he better get to the hospital right now.  I fled to Lori's room and Paul's sister Kay stopped me and explained that the nurse said Lori has but minutes left to live.  Shocked, I immediately began calling Sam to tell him to come here from work right now.

Pretty soon Lori's whole family was in the room with her, and two pastors as well.  We were all there to  basically say goodbye and wait for her to pass away.  It was so weird.

Earlier in the day, the nurse told us with sorrowful eyes that Lori had no more blood pressure and her oxygen was plummeting.  We then knew that unless God decided to preform a miracle, this wasn't going to be good.

As the hours went on, we decided to each take a turn to speak with Lori privately.  During my turn, I feel like I didn't say enough.  Can someone ever say enough to a dying loved one?  I know she was able to comprehend all that was being said, even though she was too weak to respond in any way.

Paul requested that one of the pastors begin leading us all in worship songs to the Lord.  The Holy Spirit's presence was there.  I know Lori could feel His arms around her.  I know she loved the sweet praises being lifted up to Jesus.  She knew we all were there for her and were not giving up on praying for healing.

By the time it was nearing 1:00 am, who were left in the room with Lori were Paul, Sam, Travis, Jesse, Kay, and me.  Paul was laying on the bed beside Lori holding her hand, Jesse was at her other side telling story after story of how great of a mother she has been, and the rest of us were close by her side as well.  I looked at her and knew she was in her final moments, she was so pale.  I looked down for a second and then looked up at her again, saw how white she had become, and I knew she was gone.

Some of us erupted in tears, some of us saved heavy emotion for later.  Finally leaving her in the room as we went to go home hours later was the hardest, strangest thing.

The whole funeral planning process was difficult.  The funeral itself was difficult, but also beautiful.  Lori would let us be sad for a little while, but would like us to be rejoicing for her eternal healing and happiness of being in Heaven with Jesus.

We later heard from one of Lori's nurses that she hopes we all learn of the miracles that did take place for Lori.  For cancer being right on her brain, she should have been in so much more pain that she was; but she wasn't even on much pain medication.  Her mind should have become a lot more confused; but she knew exactly what was going on.  She even outlived the "minutes to live" she was given by six more hours.  She was such a brave trooper.

Now we all have to continue on with life.  We all mourn and cry because we miss her and want her with us, we mourn over the loss of what life could have and should have been with her still here.  But we still need to go to work, we still need to be there for each other in sadness and joy, and we still need to trust God with all our hearts and never learn on our own understanding.

It's still so shocking to think that Paul and the boys doen't have their wife and mother anymore.  It's not right, it's not fair.  But we who have the blessed hope of one day being in Heaven know for sure that we will see her again and she has not more sadness or pain.  Imagining her smiling face praising Jesus eternally helps us through this.  For sure.

I wish I had many many more years with my mother-in-law.  I wish she could have seen her other sons get married or her grandchildren in the future.  I wish I could just have coffee with her tomorrow after church.  I wish Paul had his wife and the boys had their mom.  But I can't.  They don't.  And it's hard.

Lori You Are Loved

The elevator door opens to the 7th floor on Saturday, May 19, and Sammy and I immediately see Travis and Brittany very upset.  Sam asks what's wrong and Travis says through tears, "It doesn't look good.  Ask Dad."

Sam and I rush to Lori's hospital room and are taken aback by her appearance.  Eyes half open, mouth wide open, staring at something on the ceiling.  Paul gathers all the kids in another room.

She had been swallowing liquid into her lungs and had to suction out a lot of stuff.  And basically, the doctors have given her only a few hours to a couple weeks to live.

Immediately most of the hope I had been holding on to leaves, and as a family we all cry.

The next couple days are filled with family members, friends, pastors...everyone wants to pray for Lori and see her again and help the family in any way.

She will nod yes or no to some things.  She will smile sometimes, and that always makes us all smile in return.  If her mouth is moist enough and her lungs just got suctioned, she will talk, although not always clearly.

Sometimes her eyes will look across the ceiling and she will smile.  What is she seeing?  Angels?  Her vision has decreased to seeing only shadows.

I'm so proud of Paul and the boys.  They are watching their wife and mother come close to death, yet they are constantly at her side and are strong.

Last night we all took turns reading out loud from the Bible to Lori for a while.  The Word of God is active and alive.  It did us all good to hear the promises of the Lord and get reminded that He is with us and He's in control.

What all is going through her mind?  Does she know we constantly cry for her?  Is she scared?

I know she wants to go home so badly.  Hospice care is the next step.  And then no more chemo.  And we wait and pray for what happens after that.

We firmly believe that God still performs miracles.  I know he still even raises people from the dead.  Never will we stop praying.  Never will we stop seeking a miracle.

Whether Lori gets healed on earth, or she receives her healing in Heaven, dear Lord, let it come to pass quickly.  For she is in so much pain, as are all of us.

She needs to live.  She needs to be a grandma.  She needs have mother/son dances with her sons at their weddings.  She needs to be there for her mom.  She needs to go shopping with her friends.  She needs to stay here for her husband, because Paul needs her so much.

Jesus have mercy.

Family Pics

This is my Luthi family.  I am blessed to live in the same town now.  Sam and I are soo glad to be here for Lori and everyone as she is fighting cancer.

This is my Trieb family.  They live all the way in St. Louis and I miss them a lot!  Please everyone move to Fargo again :)

Pray For Lori

My dear mother-in-law Lori Luthi is in the hospital right now.  She has had cancer since October, and currently she seems to be in almost a coma state.  She isn't in a coma, but she has been unresponsive for a whole day now as she is in such a deep sleep.  Sometimes she thrashes about and can't lie still, in her sleep.  She was also having seizures earlier today.

It's so hard seeing her like this.  All we could do was try to help her with soothing words and continue to pray hard for her.

Sam and I will be back there to see her in the morning.  God has to heal her.  She has to get better in Jesus' name.

She needs to live.  Paul needs her.  We need her.  She needs to see her future grandchildren someday.

We're In Fargo Now!

We are officially all moved in to our new apartment in Fargo!  Such a lovely big town.  It's so homey and full of people I love and who add joy to my life.

Our kitchen has way improved since our last kitchen!  We actually have room to store things like the blender and crockpot.  Sam particularly loves our teakettle.

My aunt has blessed us so much by giving us her old couch, recliner, tables, and lamp.  Thanks Aunt Peggy!  And thank you my parents for giving us our kitchen table!!  And thank you Sam's grandma for our other couch and dressers!  Such blessings everywhere.

My sister Shasha was supposed to drive up with us to Fargo from Missouri (she in my car with me, Sam in the van).  But she had to go get appendicitis the day before!  Oh well, I got to meet her new boyfriend twice, which probably wouldn't have happened if she didn't need surgery.  They weren't even official in this pic, but now they are!

Keep praying for Sam's mom's battle with cancer.  She's doing ok but it's an ongoing struggle.

Jobs:  Sam was able to get one before we moved here, and now I'm faced with deciding between two of them!  Lord help me choose wisely.  

I love being able to see my dear friends more often now!  Friends for 10 years.

We do love it here, but I miss my family!

God bless!