Life Without Lori

It's sure been a tough month.

Every day the whole family would be with Lori whenever they could.  The kids would be there whenever we weren't working, Paul was constantly there, all who loved her tried to be in her hospital room with her to visit, pray, and say their goodbyes because it soon became evident that she might not win her battle with cancer.

She had been moved to palliative care where all the nurses were kind and caring, but did not have the mindset of seeing Lori get healed.  They had the mindset of seeing Lori die comfortably.

On Sunday, June 3rd she told us she's going home in two days.  It's one of the last things she said before she was too weak to speak again.  We thought she was wanting to go back to her house, little did we know she was speaking of a different home.

Tuesday, June 5th, Paul, Travis, Brittany, and I were at the hospital.  I walked from Lori's room to the family room for a moment, but soon heard Travis in the hallway frantically telling Jesse on the phone that he better get to the hospital right now.  I fled to Lori's room and Paul's sister Kay stopped me and explained that the nurse said Lori has but minutes left to live.  Shocked, I immediately began calling Sam to tell him to come here from work right now.

Pretty soon Lori's whole family was in the room with her, and two pastors as well.  We were all there to  basically say goodbye and wait for her to pass away.  It was so weird.

Earlier in the day, the nurse told us with sorrowful eyes that Lori had no more blood pressure and her oxygen was plummeting.  We then knew that unless God decided to preform a miracle, this wasn't going to be good.

As the hours went on, we decided to each take a turn to speak with Lori privately.  During my turn, I feel like I didn't say enough.  Can someone ever say enough to a dying loved one?  I know she was able to comprehend all that was being said, even though she was too weak to respond in any way.

Paul requested that one of the pastors begin leading us all in worship songs to the Lord.  The Holy Spirit's presence was there.  I know Lori could feel His arms around her.  I know she loved the sweet praises being lifted up to Jesus.  She knew we all were there for her and were not giving up on praying for healing.

By the time it was nearing 1:00 am, who were left in the room with Lori were Paul, Sam, Travis, Jesse, Kay, and me.  Paul was laying on the bed beside Lori holding her hand, Jesse was at her other side telling story after story of how great of a mother she has been, and the rest of us were close by her side as well.  I looked at her and knew she was in her final moments, she was so pale.  I looked down for a second and then looked up at her again, saw how white she had become, and I knew she was gone.

Some of us erupted in tears, some of us saved heavy emotion for later.  Finally leaving her in the room as we went to go home hours later was the hardest, strangest thing.

The whole funeral planning process was difficult.  The funeral itself was difficult, but also beautiful.  Lori would let us be sad for a little while, but would like us to be rejoicing for her eternal healing and happiness of being in Heaven with Jesus.

We later heard from one of Lori's nurses that she hopes we all learn of the miracles that did take place for Lori.  For cancer being right on her brain, she should have been in so much more pain that she was; but she wasn't even on much pain medication.  Her mind should have become a lot more confused; but she knew exactly what was going on.  She even outlived the "minutes to live" she was given by six more hours.  She was such a brave trooper.

Now we all have to continue on with life.  We all mourn and cry because we miss her and want her with us, we mourn over the loss of what life could have and should have been with her still here.  But we still need to go to work, we still need to be there for each other in sadness and joy, and we still need to trust God with all our hearts and never learn on our own understanding.

It's still so shocking to think that Paul and the boys doen't have their wife and mother anymore.  It's not right, it's not fair.  But we who have the blessed hope of one day being in Heaven know for sure that we will see her again and she has not more sadness or pain.  Imagining her smiling face praising Jesus eternally helps us through this.  For sure.

I wish I had many many more years with my mother-in-law.  I wish she could have seen her other sons get married or her grandchildren in the future.  I wish I could just have coffee with her tomorrow after church.  I wish Paul had his wife and the boys had their mom.  But I can't.  They don't.  And it's hard.

Lori You Are Loved

The elevator door opens to the 7th floor on Saturday, May 19, and Sammy and I immediately see Travis and Brittany very upset.  Sam asks what's wrong and Travis says through tears, "It doesn't look good.  Ask Dad."

Sam and I rush to Lori's hospital room and are taken aback by her appearance.  Eyes half open, mouth wide open, staring at something on the ceiling.  Paul gathers all the kids in another room.

She had been swallowing liquid into her lungs and had to suction out a lot of stuff.  And basically, the doctors have given her only a few hours to a couple weeks to live.

Immediately most of the hope I had been holding on to leaves, and as a family we all cry.

The next couple days are filled with family members, friends, pastors...everyone wants to pray for Lori and see her again and help the family in any way.

She will nod yes or no to some things.  She will smile sometimes, and that always makes us all smile in return.  If her mouth is moist enough and her lungs just got suctioned, she will talk, although not always clearly.

Sometimes her eyes will look across the ceiling and she will smile.  What is she seeing?  Angels?  Her vision has decreased to seeing only shadows.

I'm so proud of Paul and the boys.  They are watching their wife and mother come close to death, yet they are constantly at her side and are strong.

Last night we all took turns reading out loud from the Bible to Lori for a while.  The Word of God is active and alive.  It did us all good to hear the promises of the Lord and get reminded that He is with us and He's in control.

What all is going through her mind?  Does she know we constantly cry for her?  Is she scared?

I know she wants to go home so badly.  Hospice care is the next step.  And then no more chemo.  And we wait and pray for what happens after that.

We firmly believe that God still performs miracles.  I know he still even raises people from the dead.  Never will we stop praying.  Never will we stop seeking a miracle.

Whether Lori gets healed on earth, or she receives her healing in Heaven, dear Lord, let it come to pass quickly.  For she is in so much pain, as are all of us.

She needs to live.  She needs to be a grandma.  She needs have mother/son dances with her sons at their weddings.  She needs to be there for her mom.  She needs to go shopping with her friends.  She needs to stay here for her husband, because Paul needs her so much.

Jesus have mercy.

Family Pics

This is my Luthi family.  I am blessed to live in the same town now.  Sam and I are soo glad to be here for Lori and everyone as she is fighting cancer.

This is my Trieb family.  They live all the way in St. Louis and I miss them a lot!  Please everyone move to Fargo again :)

Pray For Lori

My dear mother-in-law Lori Luthi is in the hospital right now.  She has had cancer since October, and currently she seems to be in almost a coma state.  She isn't in a coma, but she has been unresponsive for a whole day now as she is in such a deep sleep.  Sometimes she thrashes about and can't lie still, in her sleep.  She was also having seizures earlier today.

It's so hard seeing her like this.  All we could do was try to help her with soothing words and continue to pray hard for her.

Sam and I will be back there to see her in the morning.  God has to heal her.  She has to get better in Jesus' name.

She needs to live.  Paul needs her.  We need her.  She needs to see her future grandchildren someday.

We're In Fargo Now!

We are officially all moved in to our new apartment in Fargo!  Such a lovely big town.  It's so homey and full of people I love and who add joy to my life.

Our kitchen has way improved since our last kitchen!  We actually have room to store things like the blender and crockpot.  Sam particularly loves our teakettle.

My aunt has blessed us so much by giving us her old couch, recliner, tables, and lamp.  Thanks Aunt Peggy!  And thank you my parents for giving us our kitchen table!!  And thank you Sam's grandma for our other couch and dressers!  Such blessings everywhere.

My sister Shasha was supposed to drive up with us to Fargo from Missouri (she in my car with me, Sam in the van).  But she had to go get appendicitis the day before!  Oh well, I got to meet her new boyfriend twice, which probably wouldn't have happened if she didn't need surgery.  They weren't even official in this pic, but now they are!

Keep praying for Sam's mom's battle with cancer.  She's doing ok but it's an ongoing struggle.

Jobs:  Sam was able to get one before we moved here, and now I'm faced with deciding between two of them!  Lord help me choose wisely.  

I love being able to see my dear friends more often now!  Friends for 10 years.

We do love it here, but I miss my family!

God bless!

14 times

Oh my gosh, I just realized that I have moved FOURTEEN TIMES since graduating high school in 2006. 14!!!

1. Aug 2006 - Jefferson College apt (Hillsboro, MO)
2. Dec 2006 - back home (House Springs, MO)
3. Jan 2007 - Honor Academy apt (Bloomington, MN)
4. Aug 2007 - HA dorm (Bloomington, MN)
5. Dec 2007 - back home (House Springs, MO)
6. Jan 2008 - University of Missouri apt (St. Louis, MO)
7. May 2008 - back home (House Springs, MO)
8. Aug 2009 - North Central University dorm (Minneapolis, MN)
9. May 2010 - back home (House Springs, MO)
10. Aug 2010 - NCU dorm (Minneapolis, MN)
11. May 2011 - NCU suite (Minneapolis, MN)
12. Jul 2011 - NCU apt (Minneapolis, MN)
13. Dec 2011 - back home (House Springs, MO)
14. Apr 2012 - new apt home (Fargo, ND)

I dislike moving :(

But the Lord has been faithful and present throughout each adventure.  I believe that in each circumstance, He wanted me there for a reason and made all things good.

I can't wait to see what life in Fargo has to offer us!

I'll go back to packing up my hundreds of boxes now...

This is the type of challenge I feel like I am faced with.

I am going to miss my family soo much!  And my kitties...

A Good Friday Update

Oh my I haven't written anything in MONTHS!  But it's Good Friday, so it's all good.. :P

"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will.'" ~ Matthew 26:39

Our Lord sacrificed His life so that we may live.  It wasn't easy, it was filled with excruciating pain, but that's how much He loved us before we even came to be on this earth.  It's very sobering.  I can't imagine what it was like to die such a brutal death.  But He knew that Sunday was a-comin!  Praise Jesus!

Sam and I have been going through a lot of changes and trials, as far as jobs and where to live.  But the Lord has finally opened the doors of opportunity and understanding.

From July to December we lived in a campus apartment.  It was small and slightly annoying, but it was ours, and we finally married :)

THEN, the most anticipated moment for any undergraduate student happened...we GRADUATED!  Both of us at the same time too...it's pretty neato how God let that happen for us.

Having a degree is amazing because your four years or more of hard work is able to be displayed onto one precious piece of paper.  No more late night studying, no more tears over seemingly impossible mid-terms to write, no more gathering an impossible group of students together at odd times of the day to try to accomplish anything legit on a group project that everyone hates...freedom is here.

Or is it?  Now you enter a whole new realm of life called Job Searching.  This phase of life can encompass stressful stressful trains of thought.

"Ok, I have a media communications degree...what can I do with that?  Well, I have had some internships in marketing departments, let's look on indeed.com for 'marketing.'  What?  Ten years experience?  Master's degree?  Ok, well...I edited the school newspaper so...is there anything I can do for any local newspapers...?  Wow, I'm not even seeing any job openings whatsoever, let alone if they would be something I could do....I give up."

Basically, that's been my life!  I've now moved on from thinking I'll actually use the "media communications" aspect of my degree at ALL, and am continuing to actively search for administrative assistant or secretarial jobs.

Let's back up...Sam and I now live in Missouri...in the basement of my parents' house.

After graduation, we had to decide where to live.  Our options seemed to be endless, but our top picks were to stay in Minneapolis, move to Sam's town in Fargo, or move to my town in Missouri.  Well, we were thinking about Sam's calling to become a music pastor and realized that there aren't really an array of churches in Fargo, I was sick and tired of Minneapolis and desperately wanted to be home, so home to Missouri we went!  We felt that we had prayed a lot and had peace about it.  The plan was to live at their house for about 2 or 3 months...until we found amazing jobs and an amazing place to live.

Here we are, nearing 4 months later and we have just been faced with closed door after closed door to any real job opportunities.  I mean, we were getting turned down from opportunities we KNEW should be ours.  We are starting to wonder if we should even keep trying in Missouri at all.

All the while, Sam's mom Lori has cancer, and about a month ago it got really worse.  For two weeks Sam was up in Fargo visiting her, and my mom and I went up for about 4 days.  The first night I was there driving around with Sam, I became teary eyed...I really felt like Fargo is to be our new home.

Thankfully, Lori has been doing a LOT better lately :)  Praise God!  Now she is home!

I think God is calling us to be there mainly to be there for his family.  Also there are new churches springing up around there, so I know that Sam's giftings of worship leading will be used for God's glory.

It is decided that we are moving on April 21st!  We are signing the lease for an apartment (right next to the mall!) right now, and Sam already landed a great job.  I have a couple interviews lined up and know that I will get a job in no time.

It is a bittersweet move for me.  I have ALWAYS loved Fargo so much.  I still consider some of the best years of my life to be when my family lived there from 2001-2004.  ALL of Sam's family and relatives and friends are there, many of my relatives and friends are there, and it's just home for us.

But I'm leaving my family in Missouri, and I hate it.  It's just NOT right for families to be split up like this.  If only we never moved away from Fargo in the first place... (My hope and dream is that once Sam and I start having children, my family will be so in love with them that they do whatever it takes to move :)

So there it is!  The basic outline of our life right now.  I know the Lord has great plans for us.  He sees what we do not see and His ways are not our ways. (Isaiah 55:8)  Keep trusting in Him!!  When God closes one door, He'll open another :)

Hey friends!

My lovely parents, Jeff and Dorothy Trieb, came over this weekend for Sam's and my graduation from North Central University!

More on that later, first I am super excited to share this amazing and simple recipe for orange smoothies with you!

ingredients :D
1 can of orange juice concentrate
1 cup milk
1 cup water
1 or 2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup sugar
about 10 ice cubes

Put it all in the blender and there you go!!!  IT TASTES LIKE ORANGE JULIUS. so yummy :)

As I was saying, Sam and I graduated!!!  Yay!!!

(I made this picture look just a little cooler on picnik.com, but i don't think it saved.  Oh well, I don't have time for this) :P

I now have a B.A. in media communications, and Sam has a B.S. in music :)  He will become a pastor in April!!!

This Friday we will be moving to my parents' house in Missouri.  It's best to look for jobs in person, so we will be living with them as a landing spot until we have solid jobs and a place to live.  Pray that will take no time at all!

I love my parents, they are awesome!  We had such a great time spending a few days exploring Minneapolis.  Besides graduation, we also saw the parade, the Macy's Christmas display, went to some lovely restaurants, played board games....it was fun.  Sam's mom was unable to come, but his dad came for graduation and so did my aunt and uncle.  We were blessed to have them!

Am I happy to be done with school finally?  YES.  Am I also scared and unsure about what to do now?  YES.  But the Lord has always lead me in every area of my life, Sam's as well, and we are positive that He will not fail us.

Jeremiah 29:11!

It's my last day of my job at the hospital.  Yay!!!

The Lord has been soo good to me to give me this job.  Although working in food service did absolutely nothing to add to my communications portfolio or learning, it was still a blessing from the Lord.  It is only three blocks away from our apartment, it's the highest paying job I've ever had, the hours were perfect, and the people are awesome -- I will continue to pray for them.  Having the opportunity to also just take time to be nice and smile to patients was also a happiness in my heart.

In other news, graduation is THIS friday!!!!!!  In only six days from now, Samuel John and myself will be FINALLY walking across the stage of graduation success.  It's been a long road since graduating high school in 2006 and going to 3 different colleges and 1 Christian program, but I would never trade the years for anything.

Because now I am going to graduate as Jaclyn Luthi, with my husband by my side :)

And the Lord has taught me so much through all of the different experiences I've had.  He stretched me so much in so many different areas that lead to my deeper relationship with Him, my family, my friends, and a better understanding of who and Whose I am.

Man, I really need more Jesus time.  I have been so distracted this whole semester with mostly school, work, and trying to be a good new wife.  But Jesus is my first and greatest love, I must not ever forget.  I live for Him because He is GOD! :)

I can't WAIT to see my family again!!!!!  My parents are coming for graduation, then Sam and I moving to St. Louis, MO to live near my family!!!  I haven't seen any of them since the wedding, which is sad because they are the best family ever.  But now we will be there with them and will stay for as long as the Lord wants us to. :)  Praise Jesus!

Come, let's shout praises to God, raise the roof for the Rock who saved us!  Let's march into His presence singing praises, lifting the rafters with our hymns! - Psalm 95:1-2 (lol, the Message version gets kinda silly with their "contemporary phrases") But I still like this and feel like marching and singing right now!!! 

Love you all!!

New Books and a Discussion Stemmed From CSPAN

Hey friends!  You're beautiful!

Tonight as Sam was at church for worship practice, I was at Barnes and Noble to finish my Genesis paper!  However, my full expectations of finding a chair and table to sit at complete with an outlet within arm's reach so that I may plug in our laptop, which dies within minutes without direct electrical input, was in vain!!!  

I mean, it's Barnes and Noble...they have a Starbucks.  They have a whole used book section.  They sell 34342 calendars and all the leather journals you want.  There are toys and candy for the kiddos.  They have it all.  But they don't have more than TWO outlets for public use in the whole huge place!?  

I walked around the whole store like a fool for half an hour until finally a lady who was sitting next to one of the only outlets moved.  I grabbed the chair and sat down to plug in my laptop.  However, my search for a chair, outlet, and TABLE never really was a success at all....where I sat had no table, just me in my chair in the middle of the bookshelves, in the middle of people's path, right next to an employee desk. Awkward!  Plus, to make matters worse, I never got the internet working.

But all was NOT lost!  I finished my paper (2 months in the making), and picked up some cheap books!

#1. Persuasion for $6.  I've never read it but heard it's ok ;)

(don't mind me as I show off my spiffy ring a little...lol!)

#2. Cooking for One & Two for $4!!!  Sam and I are tired of always having leftovers from meals designed for four people.  Win.

#3.  Three for $5! I saw the movie back in 2006 and totally don't remember anything about it.  It should be interesting. (I'm holding up three fingers in honor of the title, in case you didn't know :)

In other news, I'm going to get kinda controversial all up in this place! Check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8vENZwp1rk 

What are your reactions?

This was played in my Media and a Christian Worldview class on Tuesday.  A very interesting heated debate arose from my fellow classmates.  

Side #1: 

It is admirable to stand up for Jesus and what you know is true.  The Christians who stood up in the video were perhaps listening to the mourning Holy Spirit inside their hearts, deeply distressed that anyone would offer prayer in a public setting to anyone but the true God.  Jesus (our ultimate example of how to live) and Paul, Peter, and many mighty men and women of God in the Bible repeatedly stood up against the wrongful teachings of their day.  It says that Jesus always was offending people.  But if it takes some people to be offended by the Truth for the sake of others to be set free after realizing the Truth, it's worth it for more lives to be saved from eternal hell.

Side #2:

Those Christians were totally out of line.  They had no respect for the Indian man or the religion.  They were not showing love at all.  They can say what they want perhaps privately with the Indian man, but not in front of the assembly.

Side #1:

The American mindset is to be loving and accepting of all; true.  But are we over-compensating here?  The example of Jesus' life is right there in the Bible; He wasn't overly nice and accepting of false religions at all.  So is to be politically correct and nice to other religions at all times therefore an attempt to be NICER than Jesus?  Do you want to strive to be more ACCEPTING of Jesus?  More LOVING than God, who IS love?

Besides, this video concerns our nation, it was in a setting with leaders of our country.  The United States was firmly founded BY God FOR God.  We are one nation UNDER God.  Americans everywhere, let alone Christians, should frankly be a little more than concerned that prayers on behalf of our country in such a setting are really not being prayed to the one true God of this nation.

I was one of the main contributors to side #1.  Our professor spoke in favor of our side.  It just literally makes me sick and very sad to think of how many Christians there are that try so hard to hide their true convictions and beliefs of what is wrong and right for the sake of avoiding offense.

In reality, hiding your faith in effort to show more love, is an act of hate.

You know the truth of salvation.  You know you are going to heaven.  You know that whoever follows after false religions that do not follow Jesus will die and go to hell.

By not warning them, you are hating them.  You are consenting on their eternal death.

Scary, eh?

"But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in Heaven."  Matthew 10:33

HOWEVER.......!!!!!

I DO believe in being gentle and respectful in most situations when confronting or speaking with a person who does not know Jesus.  In the case of the video, perhaps the Christians were acting out of their righteous anger.  Righteous anger is okay, it is getting angry on behalf of seeing God being disrespected.  

Jesus got righteously angry when God's house was being used for buying and selling merchandise.

However, "righteous anger" gives no excuse for those who go to extremes, such as screaming the on a street corner the warning of fire and brimstone upon all who don't repent right now.  That is NOT the way people will get saved.  That is NOT what I condone or view as true witnessing or Christianity.

Salvation is through faith in Christ Jesus.  It's seeing Him work in the lives of others who happily share their faith.  It's God revealing Himself to your heart.  It comes from your spirit being moved after seeing His grace, not just being scared into Heaven.

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people." Titus 2:11

I am not a fire and brimstone-screaming Christian.  But if need be, I will stand up for Jesus, not matter the cost.  I will not see God's name and truth defiled or disrespected. 

Sorry if this was jumbled and confusing.

I encourage comments and questions.  Perhaps it is true that I am not fully correct on some things, or need to explain myself more :)