Hello, people!

Bismarck Time

Hey hey hey!  Today has been a very good day.  A fun day.  My Sammy and I traveled about 3 hours away to Bismarck, ND to interview at the North Dakota district council in the process of Sammy becoming a pastor!!  Today we drove, stopped by Jamestown to enjoy the Buffalo Museum and Pioneer Village, got to Bismarck and were pleasantly surprised with our neato hotel room, went to Cracker Barrel, Dairy Queen, and now we are relaxing. Tomorrow is the interview :)

We have a full kitchen!

Oh yeah, we stopped by Paris too.  Not as cool as the big buffalo of Jamestown ;)

Having fun together!  Two days off work, YES!

Blessed Hope

My Lord Jesus Christ is faithful and gracious to my own soul as well as to the souls of all who serve Him with the fullness of their hearts.  Reflecting upon my precious Savior gives me deep, inner peace and a complete happiness the world knows not of.  The world, lost in deep sin and real darkness, is truthfully not my true home.  My home and inheritance is in Heaven above.  After the horrible death of my beloved mother-in-law Lori, I have found my mind pondering Glory Land with perhaps a deeper longing than I have ever known.  As a child, I relished in the captivating reality that my whole life was ahead of me, and I regretfully considered it as loss if my earthly life were to be cut short.  However, as an adult in the current status of having experienced quite a bit of what life has to offer, I know its joys and its disappointments.  I know we can never put our hope in a world that is temporary and expect it to always be faithful to us.  But Jesus is the faithful One; my hope is secure in His second coming to take the righteous ones home.  Living on the earth in this present time in history is my calling.  But this life is of no importance if I do not continuously serve my God by following his decrees and loving all the people He created and placed in my life as I am able.  I choose to live my life in this earth with peace and contentment and simultaneously look forward to eternal life with the Father in Heaven, where I can see Lori again, I can see my Grandparents again, and I can meet cool people like the apostle Paul and Noah and Abraham.  Yes.  Forever my heart will worship and praise my the Savior of my soul.  I will dance on the streets made of gold before my Maker and I will sing aloud with a chorus of both angels and saints beautiful songs of thanksgiving and honor to the Lord of Lords.  Yes indeed.  Praise the Lord, o my soul.

Life Without Lori

It's sure been a tough month.

Every day the whole family would be with Lori whenever they could.  The kids would be there whenever we weren't working, Paul was constantly there, all who loved her tried to be in her hospital room with her to visit, pray, and say their goodbyes because it soon became evident that she might not win her battle with cancer.

She had been moved to palliative care where all the nurses were kind and caring, but did not have the mindset of seeing Lori get healed.  They had the mindset of seeing Lori die comfortably.

On Sunday, June 3rd she told us she's going home in two days.  It's one of the last things she said before she was too weak to speak again.  We thought she was wanting to go back to her house, little did we know she was speaking of a different home.

Tuesday, June 5th, Paul, Travis, Brittany, and I were at the hospital.  I walked from Lori's room to the family room for a moment, but soon heard Travis in the hallway frantically telling Jesse on the phone that he better get to the hospital right now.  I fled to Lori's room and Paul's sister Kay stopped me and explained that the nurse said Lori has but minutes left to live.  Shocked, I immediately began calling Sam to tell him to come here from work right now.

Pretty soon Lori's whole family was in the room with her, and two pastors as well.  We were all there to  basically say goodbye and wait for her to pass away.  It was so weird.

Earlier in the day, the nurse told us with sorrowful eyes that Lori had no more blood pressure and her oxygen was plummeting.  We then knew that unless God decided to preform a miracle, this wasn't going to be good.

As the hours went on, we decided to each take a turn to speak with Lori privately.  During my turn, I feel like I didn't say enough.  Can someone ever say enough to a dying loved one?  I know she was able to comprehend all that was being said, even though she was too weak to respond in any way.

Paul requested that one of the pastors begin leading us all in worship songs to the Lord.  The Holy Spirit's presence was there.  I know Lori could feel His arms around her.  I know she loved the sweet praises being lifted up to Jesus.  She knew we all were there for her and were not giving up on praying for healing.

By the time it was nearing 1:00 am, who were left in the room with Lori were Paul, Sam, Travis, Jesse, Kay, and me.  Paul was laying on the bed beside Lori holding her hand, Jesse was at her other side telling story after story of how great of a mother she has been, and the rest of us were close by her side as well.  I looked at her and knew she was in her final moments, she was so pale.  I looked down for a second and then looked up at her again, saw how white she had become, and I knew she was gone.

Some of us erupted in tears, some of us saved heavy emotion for later.  Finally leaving her in the room as we went to go home hours later was the hardest, strangest thing.

The whole funeral planning process was difficult.  The funeral itself was difficult, but also beautiful.  Lori would let us be sad for a little while, but would like us to be rejoicing for her eternal healing and happiness of being in Heaven with Jesus.

We later heard from one of Lori's nurses that she hopes we all learn of the miracles that did take place for Lori.  For cancer being right on her brain, she should have been in so much more pain that she was; but she wasn't even on much pain medication.  Her mind should have become a lot more confused; but she knew exactly what was going on.  She even outlived the "minutes to live" she was given by six more hours.  She was such a brave trooper.

Now we all have to continue on with life.  We all mourn and cry because we miss her and want her with us, we mourn over the loss of what life could have and should have been with her still here.  But we still need to go to work, we still need to be there for each other in sadness and joy, and we still need to trust God with all our hearts and never learn on our own understanding.

It's still so shocking to think that Paul and the boys doen't have their wife and mother anymore.  It's not right, it's not fair.  But we who have the blessed hope of one day being in Heaven know for sure that we will see her again and she has not more sadness or pain.  Imagining her smiling face praising Jesus eternally helps us through this.  For sure.

I wish I had many many more years with my mother-in-law.  I wish she could have seen her other sons get married or her grandchildren in the future.  I wish I could just have coffee with her tomorrow after church.  I wish Paul had his wife and the boys had their mom.  But I can't.  They don't.  And it's hard.

Lori You Are Loved

The elevator door opens to the 7th floor on Saturday, May 19, and Sammy and I immediately see Travis and Brittany very upset.  Sam asks what's wrong and Travis says through tears, "It doesn't look good.  Ask Dad."

Sam and I rush to Lori's hospital room and are taken aback by her appearance.  Eyes half open, mouth wide open, staring at something on the ceiling.  Paul gathers all the kids in another room.

She had been swallowing liquid into her lungs and had to suction out a lot of stuff.  And basically, the doctors have given her only a few hours to a couple weeks to live.

Immediately most of the hope I had been holding on to leaves, and as a family we all cry.

The next couple days are filled with family members, friends, pastors...everyone wants to pray for Lori and see her again and help the family in any way.

She will nod yes or no to some things.  She will smile sometimes, and that always makes us all smile in return.  If her mouth is moist enough and her lungs just got suctioned, she will talk, although not always clearly.

Sometimes her eyes will look across the ceiling and she will smile.  What is she seeing?  Angels?  Her vision has decreased to seeing only shadows.

I'm so proud of Paul and the boys.  They are watching their wife and mother come close to death, yet they are constantly at her side and are strong.

Last night we all took turns reading out loud from the Bible to Lori for a while.  The Word of God is active and alive.  It did us all good to hear the promises of the Lord and get reminded that He is with us and He's in control.

What all is going through her mind?  Does she know we constantly cry for her?  Is she scared?

I know she wants to go home so badly.  Hospice care is the next step.  And then no more chemo.  And we wait and pray for what happens after that.

We firmly believe that God still performs miracles.  I know he still even raises people from the dead.  Never will we stop praying.  Never will we stop seeking a miracle.

Whether Lori gets healed on earth, or she receives her healing in Heaven, dear Lord, let it come to pass quickly.  For she is in so much pain, as are all of us.

She needs to live.  She needs to be a grandma.  She needs have mother/son dances with her sons at their weddings.  She needs to be there for her mom.  She needs to go shopping with her friends.  She needs to stay here for her husband, because Paul needs her so much.

Jesus have mercy.

Family Pics

This is my Luthi family.  I am blessed to live in the same town now.  Sam and I are soo glad to be here for Lori and everyone as she is fighting cancer.

This is my Trieb family.  They live all the way in St. Louis and I miss them a lot!  Please everyone move to Fargo again :)

Pray For Lori

My dear mother-in-law Lori Luthi is in the hospital right now.  She has had cancer since October, and currently she seems to be in almost a coma state.  She isn't in a coma, but she has been unresponsive for a whole day now as she is in such a deep sleep.  Sometimes she thrashes about and can't lie still, in her sleep.  She was also having seizures earlier today.

It's so hard seeing her like this.  All we could do was try to help her with soothing words and continue to pray hard for her.

Sam and I will be back there to see her in the morning.  God has to heal her.  She has to get better in Jesus' name.

She needs to live.  Paul needs her.  We need her.  She needs to see her future grandchildren someday.

We're In Fargo Now!

We are officially all moved in to our new apartment in Fargo!  Such a lovely big town.  It's so homey and full of people I love and who add joy to my life.

Our kitchen has way improved since our last kitchen!  We actually have room to store things like the blender and crockpot.  Sam particularly loves our teakettle.

My aunt has blessed us so much by giving us her old couch, recliner, tables, and lamp.  Thanks Aunt Peggy!  And thank you my parents for giving us our kitchen table!!  And thank you Sam's grandma for our other couch and dressers!  Such blessings everywhere.

My sister Shasha was supposed to drive up with us to Fargo from Missouri (she in my car with me, Sam in the van).  But she had to go get appendicitis the day before!  Oh well, I got to meet her new boyfriend twice, which probably wouldn't have happened if she didn't need surgery.  They weren't even official in this pic, but now they are!

Keep praying for Sam's mom's battle with cancer.  She's doing ok but it's an ongoing struggle.

Jobs:  Sam was able to get one before we moved here, and now I'm faced with deciding between two of them!  Lord help me choose wisely.  

I love being able to see my dear friends more often now!  Friends for 10 years.

We do love it here, but I miss my family!

God bless!

14 times

Oh my gosh, I just realized that I have moved FOURTEEN TIMES since graduating high school in 2006. 14!!!

1. Aug 2006 - Jefferson College apt (Hillsboro, MO)
2. Dec 2006 - back home (House Springs, MO)
3. Jan 2007 - Honor Academy apt (Bloomington, MN)
4. Aug 2007 - HA dorm (Bloomington, MN)
5. Dec 2007 - back home (House Springs, MO)
6. Jan 2008 - University of Missouri apt (St. Louis, MO)
7. May 2008 - back home (House Springs, MO)
8. Aug 2009 - North Central University dorm (Minneapolis, MN)
9. May 2010 - back home (House Springs, MO)
10. Aug 2010 - NCU dorm (Minneapolis, MN)
11. May 2011 - NCU suite (Minneapolis, MN)
12. Jul 2011 - NCU apt (Minneapolis, MN)
13. Dec 2011 - back home (House Springs, MO)
14. Apr 2012 - new apt home (Fargo, ND)

I dislike moving :(

But the Lord has been faithful and present throughout each adventure.  I believe that in each circumstance, He wanted me there for a reason and made all things good.

I can't wait to see what life in Fargo has to offer us!

I'll go back to packing up my hundreds of boxes now...

This is the type of challenge I feel like I am faced with.

I am going to miss my family soo much!  And my kitties...

A Good Friday Update

Oh my I haven't written anything in MONTHS!  But it's Good Friday, so it's all good.. :P

"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will.'" ~ Matthew 26:39

Our Lord sacrificed His life so that we may live.  It wasn't easy, it was filled with excruciating pain, but that's how much He loved us before we even came to be on this earth.  It's very sobering.  I can't imagine what it was like to die such a brutal death.  But He knew that Sunday was a-comin!  Praise Jesus!

Sam and I have been going through a lot of changes and trials, as far as jobs and where to live.  But the Lord has finally opened the doors of opportunity and understanding.

From July to December we lived in a campus apartment.  It was small and slightly annoying, but it was ours, and we finally married :)

THEN, the most anticipated moment for any undergraduate student happened...we GRADUATED!  Both of us at the same time too...it's pretty neato how God let that happen for us.

Having a degree is amazing because your four years or more of hard work is able to be displayed onto one precious piece of paper.  No more late night studying, no more tears over seemingly impossible mid-terms to write, no more gathering an impossible group of students together at odd times of the day to try to accomplish anything legit on a group project that everyone hates...freedom is here.

Or is it?  Now you enter a whole new realm of life called Job Searching.  This phase of life can encompass stressful stressful trains of thought.

"Ok, I have a media communications degree...what can I do with that?  Well, I have had some internships in marketing departments, let's look on indeed.com for 'marketing.'  What?  Ten years experience?  Master's degree?  Ok, well...I edited the school newspaper so...is there anything I can do for any local newspapers...?  Wow, I'm not even seeing any job openings whatsoever, let alone if they would be something I could do....I give up."

Basically, that's been my life!  I've now moved on from thinking I'll actually use the "media communications" aspect of my degree at ALL, and am continuing to actively search for administrative assistant or secretarial jobs.

Let's back up...Sam and I now live in Missouri...in the basement of my parents' house.

After graduation, we had to decide where to live.  Our options seemed to be endless, but our top picks were to stay in Minneapolis, move to Sam's town in Fargo, or move to my town in Missouri.  Well, we were thinking about Sam's calling to become a music pastor and realized that there aren't really an array of churches in Fargo, I was sick and tired of Minneapolis and desperately wanted to be home, so home to Missouri we went!  We felt that we had prayed a lot and had peace about it.  The plan was to live at their house for about 2 or 3 months...until we found amazing jobs and an amazing place to live.

Here we are, nearing 4 months later and we have just been faced with closed door after closed door to any real job opportunities.  I mean, we were getting turned down from opportunities we KNEW should be ours.  We are starting to wonder if we should even keep trying in Missouri at all.

All the while, Sam's mom Lori has cancer, and about a month ago it got really worse.  For two weeks Sam was up in Fargo visiting her, and my mom and I went up for about 4 days.  The first night I was there driving around with Sam, I became teary eyed...I really felt like Fargo is to be our new home.

Thankfully, Lori has been doing a LOT better lately :)  Praise God!  Now she is home!

I think God is calling us to be there mainly to be there for his family.  Also there are new churches springing up around there, so I know that Sam's giftings of worship leading will be used for God's glory.

It is decided that we are moving on April 21st!  We are signing the lease for an apartment (right next to the mall!) right now, and Sam already landed a great job.  I have a couple interviews lined up and know that I will get a job in no time.

It is a bittersweet move for me.  I have ALWAYS loved Fargo so much.  I still consider some of the best years of my life to be when my family lived there from 2001-2004.  ALL of Sam's family and relatives and friends are there, many of my relatives and friends are there, and it's just home for us.

But I'm leaving my family in Missouri, and I hate it.  It's just NOT right for families to be split up like this.  If only we never moved away from Fargo in the first place... (My hope and dream is that once Sam and I start having children, my family will be so in love with them that they do whatever it takes to move :)

So there it is!  The basic outline of our life right now.  I know the Lord has great plans for us.  He sees what we do not see and His ways are not our ways. (Isaiah 55:8)  Keep trusting in Him!!  When God closes one door, He'll open another :)